I woke up
this morning and realized that my Amazon package did not arrive yesterday as
promised. So, at 7am,
before brushing my teeth or fixing my hair and still in my pajamas (side note: I don't sleep in cute
pjs, I just throw on any old T and shorts, this is important information for later) I decided to go out front to look around and see if it was hidden in
the planter or something. When I walked out, I safely closed the door behind me. This was so my giant lab puppy Dempsey (he has a name now..) didn't follow me out. I looked around,
couldn't find it and went to go back inside. Unfortunately, somehow the door
had locked behind me! As I am knocking quietly on the front door hoping my
husband would hear, a nice
lady with two beautiful dogs walked down the sidewalk, minding their own
business.(if she had known what was coming, she would have starting running
then) I think I nodded to her, not sure,
either way, I thought in my head, "that's what my Dempsey and I will be
doing in a bit." Finally, my husband comes and opens the door, I walked in,
greeted Dempsey (who has zero concept of time) acted like I had left for 12
hours when in reality I was just on the other side of the door for 3 minutes.
Unbeknownst to me, my husband was standing with the door open trying to figure
out why the door had locked itself. FIRST MISTAKE. With the door open our
little poodle thought it was an invitation to run and pee on the front lawn.
SECOND MISTAKE. Instead of immediately closing the door, my husband opened it
wider to tell the poodle to come back in. (ugh....men!) THIRD MISTAKE. Dempsey
took this as an invitation to run out there with him. All was fine for the 30 second
coveted pee on the lawn, UNTIL they saw the lady with her beautiful
dogs. All HELL breaks loose. The poodle goes running, Dempsey goes
running, I go running, my husband goes hobbling after the dogs.(hes still recovering from
two shattered feet) This nice lady, says "Its ok! He's being friendly" to which I
have no idea why, I said, "yea, he just got home from doggie boot
camp" I grabbed Dempsey (who isn't wearing a collar because it is a training
collar and he only wears it for walks) and tried to hold him so I can drag him
back home. He was having NONE of that nonsense. By now, I was in the street.
My imagined vice grip was no match, as he wiggled and wrangled and got away
from me to resume his run after our DAMN poodle again, who was STILL accosting Nice Lady's dogs. Finally I
grab Dempsey again, that hold lasted less than 30 seconds, he jumped free. I need to stop right here and tell you, Dempsey, has a very distinctive
"LOOK AT ME!" jump. It defies gravity. I will try to describe, but, if
you've never seen it you'll never fully comprehend. First, he jumps STRAIGHT up
and then in mid air, does this weird little twist where his nose is literally
touching his bottom, then still in mid air he twists to the other side and lands
in forward motion, I'm convinced he is actually running before he touches down.
There is no stopping this "jump", once it starts you just have to
stand back and watch the mayhem unfold. So, once he did his "jump" I knew I was in trouble. Suddenly the world was in slow motion, but, weirdly, everything was
happening so fast that my brain and certainly my body wasn't prepared, (this may have been the part where I sat on the curb, head in my hands, thinking "I should have gotten a pet turtle, in my ugly shorts, torn tee, with ratted hair and ghostly white legs, near tears...) There
was nothing that was going to stop this Dempsey driven train wreck, so I
quickly resigned myself to go along with the ride. I vaguely remember my
husband shouting to stop chasing him, "remember what the trainer
said?!" but, God and Dempsey knew I was along for the ride, there was no
stopping US now. In his frenzy (or mine, not sure anymore) he resumed
sniffing her poor dogs again. He then jumped (for a second time! ) and JOYFULLY ran across the
street to pee on a different tree. This whole time he's wagging his tail and
having the time of his life. He runs back AGAIN, and sniffs the dogs and Nice
Lady and I in my infinite wonder-women-dog-whispering way, grab again, as Nice
Lady is just trying to walk away from our craziness. (I think this is where I
pleaded with her to please stop moving so he quits getting farther and farther
from home...as if I had any right to ask anything of her!) Again, I lunge and he gets away. He runs in a giant circle, butt down, ears back, I lunge
again. He gets away. Finally, I lunge and throw my entire body on him and pin
him down. Somewhere in all of this my husband had hobbled home, grabbed a
collar and leash, and brought it to my neighbors house whose front lawn I had
successfully managed to wrestle Dempsey onto. As I am laying on top of him with
our poodle running circles around us barking (stillllll barking), Nice Lady left. As I lay half on
the couch, half on the floor, panting and red-faced,with my now contrite dog
licking my neck, Jeff walks by and said "at
least you don't have to walk him now.."
Oh and to
add a PS, not related to Dempsey but, my day didn't get any better...Just now getting
out of the backseat of Hayleys car, my foot got tangled in the front seats seat
belt and I literally FELL OUT OF THE CAR, not a bit gracefully either, my feet
were still in the car and the rest of me was in the driveway, Im pretty sure my
purse flew up and hit me in the back of the head...
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