And so it begins...

On March 17, 2014 I lost my best friend. He was my sidekick for 17 years. I couldn’t love a dog more or even the same again, or so I thought….

Arbuckle wasn’t always the perfect dog. He was a lab, and that pretty much sums it up. The first few years were hell. He was a 90lb terror on four legs. He ate furniture, no shoe was safe for years and he never did learn that counter surfing was a no-no. If there was food within reach it was HIS. But, I loved him. Over a year later, I still can’t think of him without tearing up. We knew the time was coming that we would have to let him go. It showed in his grey haired face and the way he would slowly rise to greet us.  I had given him a bath on Friday, and I noticed that his throat felt swollen but, not a lot, I actually thought it might be my imagination. All weekend he ate and acted like his normal “old man” self, but, when I got home on Monday everything had changed. The lumps on the sides of his throat were now ten times the size they were on Friday. The vet came over and confirmed the worst. It was time to let him go, the most tragic and beautiful experience of my life…but, I digress, this blog is called “Seriously Dempsey?” and this is the story of how Dempsey came about…

March 21, 2014

I was at work and a co-worker that I hadn’t seen since the night we lost Arbuckle was asking how I was, I went into some detail about the evening and what had happened and of course I was crying. When she walked out of my office, I grabbed my phone and just opened facebook to sort of distract and compose myself . The first thing that popped up in my news feed was this from "Katie": 

  “We have one 9 week old black lab left, out of a litter of 8. They have had their first round of vaccinations, dew claws removed. He is as sweet as they come.”  

The post had the picture above…  Now, obviously I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for a new dog, I was crying over my lost one, but, that didn’t stop me from commenting. “Are the parents onsite?” No idea why I asked that or my next question either “can I make arrangements to see him?” I couldn’t stop myself, the more I looked at that picture the more I needed to meet him. My head and heart agreed for once in my life, I wasn’t ready for a new puppy so soon, but, I just had the overwhelming desire to see him, pet him, smell his puppy breath. I need something to stop me from being so sad, even if it was only for a minute. Katie and I made arrangements to meet after work. Everything lined up in the cosmos that day. She got off work the same time I did. We worked equal, but, opposite distances from her house, and most importantly, my partner in crime (my daughter, didn’t have work that day so she could go with me)

When we arrived, Katie and I started chatting, I told her before I was even two steps into the house, that I wasn’t going to buy the puppy. Understandably confused, she asked why. I explained to her about Arbuckle and what had happened at work. I apologized for wasting her time, but, I just needed a “fix”. Being a pet lover and having lost her own dog relatively recently she understood. She finally let the puppy in, and like most puppies, they run to the new person, so I wasn’t overwhelmed by the fact that he came to me, plus I had already made up my mind, he’s a puppy, he’s going to be adorable, your not ready for a puppy. Within a few minutes, I had my fill and was getting ready to thank her and leave, when her son accidently let the Daddy dog in. Now, he took my breath away. He acted so much like Arbuckle, he even walked like him. He came straight up to me and laid his head in my lap. I was a goner. I sort of melted in my seat. Katie kept talking and I couldn’t think about anything else but, this giant dog in my lap and how much I missed Arbuckle. I told her I needed to leave and thanked her for not kicking me out the minute I told her I didn’t want to buy her puppy. But, she started to say, that I was the only one, other than one women who commented that day. She said she hoped I would consider the puppy as she wasn’t too fond of the other women that she spoke to. She was going to be very picky about who got the puppies and really felt I would be a good fit for him. I hemmed and hawed a bit, but, stood my ground. I didn’t want  a puppy, as fun as it would be for 5 minutes, I had no desire to disrespect Arbuckle so soon or take on that responsibility because of a broken heart. She explained that they were going on an overnight camping trip, leaving early the next morning but, would be back by Sunday and asked if I would consider taking him just for the night. “try it out” she said, “you can bring him back Sunday afternoon” she said. Uncharacteristically, I didn’t cave that minute. I thought, how bad can it be? It might take my mind off my sorrow for a bit and be kind of fun. I told her I would talk to my husband and get back to her. We left and met up with the rest of the family. I showed my husband pictures to which he said  “you’re not spending that kind of money on a dog” over and over again. He finally relented to taking him for the weekend after many text messages back and forth with Katie and lots of family discussion. We drove back to Katie’s and picked him up. The evening was rather uneventful, he was new to us and we were new to him. He slept most of the night with his chin on my check (can’t imagine him sleeping like that now!!) and when I woke the next morning, all I could hear in my head was “I'm not ready" repeating in my head like a broken record.  I had made up my mind that he was going back and texted that exactly to Katie. Later on in the morning, we had to take one of the cars to the shop, so my daughter and I followed my husband in her car.  I didn’t want to leave the puppy at home alone, I hadn’t set up a kennel or cage, because well, frankly, he wasn’t staying. So, I had  my daughter drive while I rode shot gun with him on my lap. The whole way there, he kept resting his mouth on mine. Just looking into my eyes.  At one point I was staring back, and a thought popped into my head. Could Arbuckle have “sent him” to make me stop crying? I missed him so much that my heart physically hurt, could this puppy heal my heart a little bit? Am I disrespecting Arbuckle’s memory by replacing him, especially so soon? So, I did what any rational person does… I asked  the puppy.. “Hey, little guy, did Arbuckle send you to me so I wouldn’t miss him so much?” He leaned back, and looked at me for a beat, then started licking me like I had steak on my face. At that exact moment I became aware of the radio, which was playing the Carrie Underwood song, I’LL SEE YOU AGAIN. The lyrics are for those who haven’t heard it:

Said goodbye, turned around

And you were gone, gone, gone

Faded into the setting sun,

Slipped away

But I won’t cry

Cause I know I’ll never be lonely....

To say I lost it would be an understatement. I was doing that cry that sounds more like a death wail mixed with the hiccups. You know the cry, where you can’t talk or make sense. My husband came up to my window and asked why I hadn’t gotten out yet. I hiccupped/wailed/stuttered:

 “I g.. g… g.. got a new pu… pu…. pu… puuuupppy”.

 “Uhhh, ya, your holding him” he said, looking like a man whose wife just went off the deep end.

“nooooooo, youuuuuu ..hiccup…don’t uh uh uh understand, I’m key key key keeping him”

 “ok, well can you and your new puppy get out of the car now?”

 I don’t know if I ever explained to him what had happened, or if he had even asked, to be honest. He knows me enough after all these years to not ask any questions you don’t want the answer for. He wouldn’t understand anyways, it was mine and Dempsey’s….and Arbuckle’s  moment.

I may have lost my mind for a minute, but, my heart was firmly in Dempsey’s little paw.